How can I best support my loved one?

Look after yourself
Don’t forget to look after yourself, if you want to support your loved one in the long run. Self-care and breaks are important for your well-being.

Stay in touch safely
Communication is important even if it’s limited. Isolation is one of the hardest parts of being in an abusive relationship and traps people for longer. However, be mindful what you write in texts or emails as some abusers will be going through their partner’s phone.

Listen without judgement
For your loved one it can be really difficult to talk about abuse they are experiencing. They need to know that you believe them and you can do this by listening without judging them. They will decide if and when to leave the relationship safely.

Children
Children living in a household where there is domestic abuse are victims in their own right and are significantly impacted by the situation.
If you have concerns about the welfare of a child, contact your local council’s children’s safeguarding team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Many domestic abuse services have projects to support children to recover after the relationship is over.

Safety planning
Call 999 if you, your loved one or a child needs immediate protection. You can press 55 for a silent option if you cannot speak.
*** Separation is the most dangerous time. When abusers lose control of a situation, the risk can greatly increase. Victims and survivors can seek support from their local domestic abuse service for specific and local safety planning if it is safe to do so ***
Here are some links to useful websites:
The Survivor’s Handbook Women’s Aid https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/  
Hollie guard app: Hollie guard https://hollieguard.com
Non- molestation orders: https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-non-molestation
CourtNav https://www.courtnav.org.uk

Domestic abuse support services:
If your loved one would like support and advice, give them the details of the local domestic abuse service (be mindful of whether they can receive and store this information safely, you may want to keep the information for them until they need it).

Below is a link to a list of domestic abuse services. These services will be non-judgemental and give the victim or survivor support to decide what to do next including leaving as safely as possible.
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/womens-aid-directory

If you are a survivor of domestic abuse, know that you are not alone and it’s not your fault. Please reach out for support from domestic abuse services when you are ready and if it is safe to do so.

Useful resources to understand domestic abuse – coming soon.


Reading list:
***Trigger warning *** please note some of the content of these books will be graphic and maybe triggering
Why Does He Do That? – Lundy Bancroft
See What You Made Me Do – Jess Hill
Power and Control: Why Charming Men Can Make Dangerous Lovers – Sandra Horley
Coercive Control in Children’s and Mother’s Lives – Emma Katz
In Control – Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder – Jane Monkton Smith
It’s My Life Now – Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger Hock
Invisible Chains – Lisa Aronson Fontes